I am queer affirmative, so my position is that your sexuality and gender identity is as unique as you are and is something to be cherished. Struggles around our identity and desires can be challenging and painful and the world can unfortunately be an isolating and shaming environment to be a part of. As a result of growing up in these sometimes hostile surroundings, a range of difficulties can develop later in life such as: difficulties in relating and forming nourishing relationships, feeling isolated and not belonging, feeling shame around aspects of yourself, or a reliance on alcohol and drugs to just be with yourself and others.
Particularly for gay men, the sexual landscape has changed rapidly in the past decade. Advances in sexual health with effective HIV management and PrEP have grown alongside chemsex being more common. In our counselling sessions, you can expect to be listened to empathically and non-judgementally, working with the reality of modern queer life, not at odds with it.
My practice takes a sex positive and kink friendly position. Sex positivity holds strong the knowledge that your sexual desires and ways of having (or wanting to have) sex can be a joyous exploration and way of growth. Societal shame around sex has thrown many obstacles in this course, and we unfortunately absorb and internalise some of that shame into our sex and relationships. Sadly, our story of sex is often not one of joy but of struggle, confusion and pain. Difficult and traumatic sexual experiences can hold power over the present and be an obstacle in how you form sexual and loving relationships. I believe that the therapeutic relationship can be an opportunity to heal and to grow into who you really are.
The world of kink and bdsm has often been pathologised in more traditional forms of therapy. I believe that taking the default stance of viewing kinks or fetishes as a signal of something that has gone wrong is not only obsolete, but damaging and shaming. The kink world is not without its complexities and risks, but your desires and journey with kink give an insight into who you are as a person, maybe even who you want to be. Our sessions can be a place where you can openly explore and be curious about your kink side.